There are never enough hours in a day.
It seems like I am always looking at the clock or the calendar, anticipating some appointment or commitment, counting the hours until my next task or responsibility. Yet, despite my careful measure of time, I constantly find myself marveling at how late it has gotten, either in the day, the month, or the year.
They say time flies when you’re having fun, but the same is true when your nose is down to the grindstone.
This year alone I’ve accomplished many goals:
I registered and got my red card from the Church of Satan, I’m official.
I had my first work of writing published in the excellent horror magazine Infernal Ink.
We moved into our own home, not a rental or lease, but our OWN home. With that the myriad of mundane projects have risen up, and I am constantly checking things off the list, while simultaneously adding more.
I’ve had the honor of collaborating with and creating music videos for a musician I have an immense amount of respect for, Gyps Fulvus.
I’ve established my Youtube Channel, both in my Satanic pursuit and my passion project with a fledgling production studio
My first novel, written in collaboration with my wife, is nearly finished and edited and is nearly a complete manuscript.
I’ve received, not one, but two raised at work and have moved into a position that not only enriches my professional life, but allows me to pursue my passions.
The cherry on top so far is establishing a small, family-run, business that is just about to get off the ground, the Black Goat apothecary, specializing in sinfully sweet beauty products, or “lesser magic tools” as I call them.
The list could go on, but the picture I am trying to paint is becoming clear. My pursuits are many, varied, and starting to bear fruit. Financially? Maybe not yet, but mentally? Emotionally? One hundred and ten percent.
So how do I keep up such a blistering pace? Honestly, that’s just how I am wired. If I am awake, I need to be working. Now it’s not always some vain or glorious opus of a project. In fact often times it is mundane, boring life stuff, and that is fine. It’s those little processes that keep the machine running. The ability to do those mundane things is what gives me the resources and drive to pursue my passions.
I am a harsh critic of myself, nothing I write is ever good enough. Nothing I’ve ever drawn have I ever felt was worth showing to anyone. The videos I’ve produced, directed, edited, all have some glaring flaw that I see every time I watch them. I’ve learned that sometimes, chasing perfection is a waste of vital essence. I’ve learned to balance intensity, with extensity, most of the time. Just like my work, I am exceedingly tough on myself. My biggest flaw is my desire to excel, but my fear of not measuring up.
And it’s facing that fear that spurs me on. That unwillingness to compromise is like an iron fist, but has become the measured hand with which I reward myself. It’s okay to be kind to yourself, and it’s okay to fail. Hell, sometimes it’s even okay to give up. If your time and investment are drying up because you are too stubborn to give up on something, you do no service to yourself or your work. Move on to something else.
Learn when to trade intensity for extensity. Try something new, try a hundred new things. The busiest people I know are all Satanist, and now I know why.
The Black Flame burns hottest when it is fed the richest fuel. So feed your flames with everything you have. The flame is a white hot crucible to forge the strongest steel. Let the mistakes and failures of your past be the lodestone that attracts the impurities from you. Hammer that steel until it forms into a shape you are proud to see every day. Temper it and oil it in patience and ambition and you will rise from raw iron, and shine like Excalibur, the sword of kings!